• Shop

    Rep The Cause, Break The Stigma.

    #ITAINTWEAKTOSPEAK
    Shop Women
    • New Arrivals
    • T-Shirts
    • Accessories
    • Sale
    • View All
    • Sponsor a conversation
    Shop Men
    • New Arrivals
    • T-Shirts
    • Accessories
    • Sale
    • View All
    Shop Kids
    • New Arrivals
    • T-Shirts
    • Accessories
    • Sale
    • View All
    Customer Support
    • Order enquiries & returns
    • Help Desk & FAQ's
    • Shipping policy
  • Help Us

    Rep The Cause, Break The Stigma.

    #ITAINTWEAKTOSPEAK
    Donate
    • Donate to LIVIN
    • Regular Donation
    • One-Off Donation
    • Workplace Giving
    • Leaving a Gift in your Will
    Fundraise
    • Create your own
    • Join an Event
    • In Celebration
    • In Memory
    Volunteer
    • Volunteer for LIVIN
  • Book Now

    Rep The Cause, Break The Stigma.

    #ITAINTWEAKTOSPEAK
    Face to Face Programs
    • LIVINWell In Work
    • LIVINWell In School
    • LIVINWell In Sport/Community
    Online Programs
    • e-learning Mental Health Awareness Program
  • LIVIN Hub

    Rep The Cause, Break The Stigma.

    #ITAINTWEAKTOSPEAK
    Facts & Guides
    • Depression
    • Anxiety
    • Addiction & Substance Use Disorder
    • Trauma & Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Other Mental Health Conditions
    Media & Events
    • Podcasts
    • News & Blogs
    • Upcoming Events
    • Your Stories
    • Past Events
    Seeking Help
    • When & where to seek help
    • Find a Professional
    • Tips & Tricks
    • Forum
    Resources
    • Downloadable Fact Sheets
    • LIVIN App download
    • Newsletter Signup
  • About Us

    Rep The Cause, Break The Stigma.

    #ITAINTWEAKTOSPEAK

    • About Us
    • Our Values
    • Our Impact
    • Our Partners
    • Media Enquiries
    • Contact Us
Donate
  1. Home
  2. Your Stories
  3. My story – By Lauren

Your Stories

My story – By Lauren

3 Minutes Read | Posted in LIVIN | Posted during March 20, 2018

This has been a long time coming. It’s not easy when you want to talk about your mental illness and share your experience in the hope that someone somewhere will feel a little less alone but it’s your mental illness that prevents you from doing that.

I am a big advocate for taking active steps to look after your own mental health and that of others and have been an ear to listen to the experiences of my friends, family or clients without ever really talking about why I know exactly what it’s like. But let’s go back to the middle first. I was formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety in 2015. A good friend of mine encouraged me to seek help for something I had been struggling with for a long time and for the first time, for some reason, it actually got through to me. I can count on one hand the people who had known that side of me up until that point.

They had been worried about me and encouraged me to seek help before but I always insisted it was something I could handle on my own. I suppose maybe for the first time I realised whatever I was doing, I was definitely not handling it. I swear I was about to throw up when I made that call to Headspace. I was booked in for an intake session with a mental health nurse who would see where I was at so the organisation could best start me off in the most relevant program for me. I cried the entire time. I honestly don’t know how she could have assessed anything, I was a mess. Straight afterwards I met some friends for coffee.

I acted like nothing happened and they were none the wiser that I had just spent the last hour crying in front of a stranger. From then on I was put on a mental health plan and started fortnightly counselling sessions with a psychologist. I haven’t cried in an appointment since. I think talking out loud to someone for the first time had such a profound effect on me because I had been holding on to it so long and only really typing about it be that through stories, poems or social media, actually using verbal words made it 10 times more real. I was acknowledging that I needed help which was also something completely new to me. Again, like right now, I was anxious to speak about my anxiety and depression but I don’t want it to have that power over me anymore. I strongly believe that my anxiety and depression have always been in me and maybe, in another life they could have lay dormant.

But in this life, for reasons that will always elude me, they first came to the surface when I was 15. At that time I didn’t know what it was, I didn’t have a name for it. I just felt different, I felt empty and I felt sad in a way I had never imagined possible. I didn’t like myself, hated myself some days and often thought it would be easier and better for everyone if I just didn’t exist. I have never wanted to physically hurt myself or take my own life but instead I just wanted to go back to the beginning and never be. It wasn’t until 2015 that I learnt that these types of thoughts are considered suicidal ideation. I never planned to do anything about it – I’m not strong enough – I thought.

That was 10 years ago and I’m convinced my 15 year old experiences of depression and anxiety shaped what I experience today; I’m self-conscious, I care too much about what other people think of me, I have terrible body image problems, I would never direct the things I say to and about myself at other people and I have trouble finding the motivation to do the basic things in life.

Today, I can still count the number of people who know about my mental illness on my hands. I have been on antidepressants for 2 years and still see my psychologist when I feel like I need her. I’m a daughter, a sister, a best friend, a lawyer, a colleague, a housemate, a dog mum. I’m not mentally ill.

I have a mental illness – like I have a car. My Mazda doesn’t define me. I treat it with care, I know what can cause it to break down and I manage those risks. I get out of bed everyday even when it takes every ounce of my energy because I can’t let my mental illness stop me from being the best version of those things that actually do define me.

I’m grateful that I’m one of the people who can do that and I want to use that ability to make sure no one else waits seven years to get the help they need.

Love, Lauren.

#ItAintWeakToSpeak

If you or someone you know is struggling and needs someone to talk to, check out our Get Help page for details on organisations who can provide support.

Leave a comment

More ways to keep up to date:

Join the newsletter:

Keep up to date with everything LIVIN – news, podcasts, events, tips, products, and special discounts.

Want to get involved?

Buy apparel
Donate
Fundraising
Volunteer

Get more from the blog

    • About Us
    • Shop
    • Podcasts
    • Depression
    • Anxiety
    • Addiction & Substance Use Disorder
    • Trauma & Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
    • Other Mental Health Conditions
    • Seeking Help
    • Find a Professional
    • Tips & Tricks
    • Forum
    • Covid-19 & Mental Health
    • Customer Support

Your Stories

Related Articles

5 Minutes Read | Posted in LIVIN

My story – By Jaynie

I’ve always felt like talking about mental health wasn’t an issue for me, there was no shame or stigma around it for m...

Continue reading
2 Minutes Read | Posted in LIVIN

My story – By Richard

My father Michael Kerrigan was a successful television director, who was the life and soul of the party and always lived life to t...

Continue reading
4 Minutes Read | Posted in LIVIN

My story- By Jye

My name is Jye, I am 30 years old. I was married for nearly 9 years and I have two girls, Lylah 7 and Evelyn 4. I served 11.5 year...

Continue reading
  • Shop

    Shop Women

    • New Arrivals
    • T-Shirts
    • Accessories
    • Sale
    • View All
    • Sponsor a conversation

    Shop Men

    • New Arrivals
    • T-Shirts
    • Accessories
    • Sale
    • View All

    Shop Kids

    • New Arrivals
    • T-Shirts
    • Accessories
    • Sale
    • View All

    Customer Support

    • Order enquiries & returns
    • Help Desk & FAQ's
    • Shipping policy
  • Help Us

    Donate

    • Donate to LIVIN
    • Regular Donation
    • One-Off Donation
    • Workplace Giving
    • Leaving a Gift in your Will

    Fundraise

    • Create your own
    • Join an Event
    • In Celebration
    • In Memory

    Volunteer

    • Volunteer for LIVIN
  • Book Now

    Face to Face Programs

    • LIVINWell In Work
    • LIVINWell In School
    • LIVINWell In Sport/Community

    Online Programs

    • e-learning Mental Health Awareness Program
  • LIVIN Hub

    Facts & Guides

    • Depression
      • Signs and symptoms?
      • What is Depression?
    • Anxiety
    • Addiction & Substance Use Disorder
    • Trauma & Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Other Mental Health Conditions

    Media & Events

    • Podcasts
    • News & Blogs
    • Upcoming Events
    • Your Stories
    • Past Events

    Seeking Help

    • When & where to seek help
    • Find a Professional
    • Tips & Tricks
    • Forum

    Resources

    • Downloadable Fact Sheets
    • LIVIN App download
    • Newsletter Signup
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Our Values
    • Our Impact
    • Our Partners
    • Media Enquiries
    • Contact Us
Join the Newsletter

Keep up to date with everything LIVIN - news, podcasts, events, tips, products, and special discounts.

Connect with us
  • ABOUT US
    • #itaintweaktospeak
    • Our Values
    • Our Impact
    • Our Partners
    • Media Enquiries
    • Contact Us
  • THE FACTS
    • Depression
    • Anxiety
    • Addictions & Substance Use Disorder
    • Trauma & Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Other Mental Health Conditions
  • GET HELP
    • Seeking Help
    • Find A Professional
    • Tips & Tricks
    • COVID-19 & Mental Health
  • ENGAGE
    • Book a Program
    • Fundraise
    • Donate
    • Volunteer
    • Upcoming Events
  • LIVIN HUB
    • Podcast
    • News & Blogs
    • Your Stories
    • Upcoming Events
    • Resources
    • Customer Support
  • SITE LINKS
    • Contact
    • Donate
    • About Zip
  • SHOP
    • View All
    • Mens
    • Womens
    • Unisex
    • Kids
    • Accessories
    • Order Enquiries & Returns
    • Shipping
Head Office

Burleigh Heads, Queensland Australia 4220

Postal Address

Po Box 370, Burleigh Heads, Queensland Australia 4220

In loving memory of our friend Dwayne Lally, we miss you mate.

Donate

© 2021 LIVIN. All Rights Reserved.

  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Wellbeing Policy
  • Shipping Policy
  • Returns Policy

Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 HELP IS ALWAYS CLOSE Lifeline: 13 11 14 Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 IT AIN'T WEAK TO SPEAK Emergency: 000 Open Arms – Veterans & Families: 1800 011 046 MensLine: 1300 789 978 Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 HELP IS ALWAYS CLOSE Lifeline: 13 11 14 Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 IT AIN'T WEAK TO SPEAK Emergency: 000 Open Arms – Veterans & Families: 1800 011 046 MensLine: 1300 789 978 Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 HELP IS ALWAYS CLOSE Lifeline: 13 11 14 Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 IT AIN'T WEAK TO SPEAK Emergency: 000 Open Arms – Veterans & Families: 1800 011 046 MensLine: 1300 789 978 Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 HELP IS ALWAYS CLOSE Lifeline: 13 11 14 Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 IT AIN'T WEAK TO SPEAK Emergency: 000 Open Arms – Veterans & Families: 1800 011 046 MensLine: 1300 789 978