5 ways to show up for someone who admits they’re struggling with their mental health

By Luke Foster

A psychologist on how to be someone’s rock. 

Knowing what to say and how to be there for someone who is feeling vulnerable can be hard. So, it helps to ask the experts.

Luke Foster is a psychologist for LIVIN, a company with a mission to make mental health relatable. Here, he details five ways to support a loved one, friend or colleague who is struggling.

1. Pay attention to the signs, which include:

• Increased alcohol and/or drug use, anger, aggression, irritability, crying
• Disrupted sleep, aches, and pains, declining physical health
• Risk-taking and impulsivity
• Challenging life events (separation and divorce, parenting difficulties, work-related pressures, job insecurity, physical illness, social isolation, and loneliness)

Warning signs can appear in all shapes and sizes. The most important thing is to look out for any change in behaviour or acting out of character.

2. Make contact and start the conversation:

Plan for the conversation before acting – what are the observable behaviour changes? What environment/location may be less confrontational? Have you thought about additional support options?

Act early, with curiosity and compassion. Keep it simple and direct. Take the pressure off yourself to have all the answers. Remind yourself to LISTEN first, even if a solution seems obvious.

Limit throwing out advice or solutions too soon. Work with them to come up with solutions together.

3. Refer them to different support options, including:

• Self-support: encourage good self-care practices
• Social support: Don’t underestimate its power. “How can I best support you right now?” Even if they don’t seem receptive to your support, simply being there for them is likely extremely valuable.
• Referral options: Explore these together and explicitly ask what you can do to best support them. For example, “I’m aware of some good support options, how can I best help you to link in with one? Let’s do this together.” This may include Lifeline (13 11 14) for free crisis support 24/7, or going to a trusted GP for a chat and potential Mental Health Care Plan with referral to a psychologist.

4. Continue to check-in:

Follow up your conversation to show that you genuinely care (remember the power of social support) and to determine whether they are feeling any better and on the right track. If they aren’t, re-explore some of the referral options outlined above.

There is no one size fits all when it comes to improved mental health and wellbeing, so trying a few different options is important.

Encourage them to start taking small steps to improve their overall health, such as physical activity. A walk together in the fresh air will ultimately play a role in improving both physical and mental health, and also give you an opportunity to check in with them in person.

5. When looking to support someone else, it’s important to make sure you’re looking after YOU

Ask yourself:

• Are you feeling capable of providing support? 
• Do you have time to listen? 
• Have you got your own self-care and supports in place? 
• Are you making sure you’re staying active?