R U OK? How to be prepared for different answers

Asking the question ‘Are You Okay?’ seems pretty simple, but what if it’s not? What do you do if the answer is ‘No’?

Here are some tips on how to respond to someone who mightn’t be ‘okay’.

Physical changes: These are things you observe in someone’s physical appearance that might indicate they are struggling – weight loss, weight gain, looking disheveled.

Behavioural changes: These are things you see someone doing that might indicate they are struggling – crying, social withdrawal, drug use, self-harm.

Verbal cues: These are things somebody might say if they are struggling – “I can’t go on”, “I never do anything right”, “I have nobody.”

Emotional changes: These are the different feelings that someone might be experiencing if they are struggling – loneliness, anxiety, fear, sadness, hopelessness.

These example warning signs and symptoms are great to know, but realistically this list could be endless. Warning signs and symptoms come in all shapes and sizes. Understanding your mates, colleagues, and the people around you well is key! A change from what is normal or typical behaviour for them is often a good indicator that they might be struggling. Or at the very least, this could be your invitation to reach out and explore what’s going on with them.

If you suspect someone is struggling, you do have a choice – will you do something? Or will you do nothing? Hopefully, you choose to do something. Now, this something does not need to be complex; in fact, you can keep things very, very simple. You do not need to be a doctor, psychologist, neurosurgeon, or psychiatrist to help someone. We all have the power to intervene.

So, what can you do?

1. Ask: R U OKAY? or ‘How are you going? How are you really going?’
2. Be prepared for the answer to be – “I’m not doing so great” – and remind yourself to RELAX. Take the pressure off yourself; you don’t need to have all the answers, and you don’t need to fix people. You simply need to offer up your support as someone who genuinely cares. “Sounds tough, I am here to help you”. Listen more than you talk.
3. Social support – offering your support, simply being there for someone is one of the most effective ways to help someone return to a healthy level of functioning.
4. Professional support –if the conversation is too big for you to handle on your own, encourage the person you are concerned about to speak with a professional – a GP/ doctor, a psychologist, or direct them to organisations like LIVIN, Beyondblue, Lifeline or Headspace.
5. Self-care is ALWAYS relevant – prioritising self-care (even just 10-15 minutes) every day is extremely important for your mental health. If you’re not looking after yourself it can be extremely difficult to help others to the best of your ability. Encouraging others to prioritise self-care is a wonderful intervention strategy. Exercise, good nutrition, mindfulness, listening to music, yoga, writing in a journal, and catching up with friends who make you feel good about yourself (the list goes on) are some wonderful examples of good self-care strategies. Work out what works best for you…and make it an essential part/ a non-negotiable of your daily routine.

IT AIN’T WEAK TO SPEAK
IT AIN’T WEAK TO SEEK
IF IN DOUBT, REACH OUT

If you are struggling and need to reach out for help, visit our Get Help Page for organisations that can help you through difficult times.