What’s Actually Going On With Teenagers

Adolescence is intense. It’s a time of high emotion, massive shifts, and plenty of confusion (for everyone involved). Does the following ring true?

• “Why do they take everything so personally?”
• “Why are they pulling away?”
• “Why do they do things they know are risky?”
  

Adolescence isn’t a phase to survive – it’s a critical period of growth to understand and support. And when we do, we unlock not just better relationships, but stronger, more resilient young people.

The Science: What’s Changing in the Brain

Between ages 12 and 24, the adolescent brain is undergoing a massive neurological renovation. Two major processes are at play:

• Pruning – the brain trims unused connections (think: editing out what’s no longer needed).
• Myelination – frequently used pathways are strengthened, helping thoughts and actions become more efficient.

This reshaping focuses first on the limbic system (emotion, reward, motivation), which is fully online. But the prefrontal cortex (planning, impulse control, decision-making) lags behind — maturing into the mid-20s.

What does that mean? Big emotions + novelty-seeking + limited regulation = behaviour that’s passionate, impulsive, and sometimes confusing — but entirely expected.

And it’s not just about what’s missing. The dopamine system is more sensitive, making new experiences feel incredibly rewarding, and the brain becomes hyper-attuned to social dynamics. Being liked, accepted, or rejected hits harder — not because teens are overreacting, but because connection literally feels like survival.

The ESSENCE of Adolescence 

Psychiatrist, Dr. Daniel Siegel offers a brilliant framework to understand adolescence from the inside out. He calls it ESSENCE — four core shifts happening during this time:

E – Emotional Spark

Adolescents feel deeply — joy, anger, shame, love.
This intensity is designed to help them connect with meaning and develop motivation.

• Teens: You’re not “too much” — you’re wired to feel life vividly.
• Parents: Don’t dismiss it. Help them name their emotions, not shut them down.

S – Social Engagement

Peers become central. Connection with others is critical for building identity and practicing independence.

• Teens: Prioritising friendships isn’t betrayal — it’s your brain preparing you for adulthood.
• Parents: Stay available. Don’t compete with their friends — be the safe base they can return to.

N – Novelty Seeking

The drive to try new things increases — and so does risk-taking. This is how teens learn through experience.

• Teens: Exploring new things is part of growing up — just know your limits.
• Parents: Channel the risk. Set boundaries, but also allow for challenge and autonomy.

CE – Creative Exploration

Teens begin questioning everything — values, beliefs, identity, the world. This is how they form their own sense of purpose.

• Teens: You’re not lost — you’re searching. That’s part of becoming.
• Parents: This is where deep reflection happens. Stay open. Listen more than you lecture.

Why Emotions Feel So Big

Let’s break it down with a simple analogy:

• Limbic system = accelerator (fast, emotional, reward-driven).
• Prefrontal cortex = brakes (still installing).
• Adolescents = learning to drive a powerful car, with oversensitive pedals and no GPS.

Add in a supercharged dopamine system and intense social sensitivity, and what you get are moments of brilliance… and occasional chaos.

This isn’t about being immature. It’s about being under construction.

What This Means for Everyone Involved

For Adolescents

You’re not broken. You’re becoming.
Your emotions are valid. Your questions are necessary.
You’re learning to navigate intensity — and that’s a skill that will serve you for life.

For Parents, Teachers, Coaches

You don’t need to control this process — you need to guide it.
You’re no longer the commander — you’re the coach.
Your job is to stay calm, stay connected, and offer structure with empathy.

The Real Work Is in the Relationship

The most powerful predictor of positive adolescent development?
A safe, consistent, emotionally available adult.

That means:

• Being steady during their storms.
• Letting them talk without fixing.
• Setting limits, and being warm.
• Remembering: even when they’re pushing away, they still need you.
  

Adolescence Isn’t the Problem — It’s the Power

When we stop treating adolescence like a problem and start seeing it as a process, everything changes.

This stage is full of creative energy, deep connection, bold ideas, and emotional intensity — the very ingredients we adults often wish we still had.

So maybe the challenge isn’t just about helping teens grow up. Maybe it’s also about adults remembering what we’ve lost — and learning from it.

You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re building. Together..